Below are sample essays I have received from your classmates.  For each essay, I'll post at least a couple examples of papers with my comments so that you get a sense of what I am looking for.   I intend my comments to be constructive, and they may sound harsh or sometimes appear sarcastic, but I read these drafts trying to be a typical reader, giving a sentence-by-sentence run-down of what's going through my head.  In essence I am having a mental dialog with these papers, and my comments range from notes about the content and structure to grammar and usage.

Browse through these and study what is strong and what is weak so that you can apply them to your own writing.

Process Analysis Essays

Exemplification Essays

  • Sample Expository 1 --student essay with my comments analyzing the following structural components: introduction, thesis statement, topic sentences.  This is a very good model that you can study to improve the success of your own essay.
  • Sample Expository 2 --please study the suggestions about improving the point of view (POV), paragraph unity, and development of more specific examples.
  • Sample Expository 3 --in this essay note the need for more paragraphs to develop the thesis marked in red.  The focus needs to be tighter so that the central claim of parents and children suffering from a few other bad parents that live vicariously through their kids' sports activities is more fully developed.

Classification Essays

  • Sample essay 1 --student essay from Spring 2002 semester.  A good model to follow in terms of development of the types of computer users, this essay still needs some extensive editing for correct grammar and mechanics.  But this is a solid first draft for the peer critique session.
  • Sample essay 2 --student essay from Summer 2002.  Note how this writer takes a very ordinary topic and turns it into an essay that pulls the reader along at every paragraph.  You can see this writer really working with his writing style to evoke a reaction in the reader.