Below are sample essays I have received from your
classmates. For each essay, I'll post at least a couple examples of papers
with my comments so that you get a sense of what I am looking for. I
intend my comments to be constructive, and they may sound harsh or sometimes
appear sarcastic, but I read these drafts trying to be a typical reader, giving
a sentence-by-sentence run-down of what's going through my head. In
essence I am having a mental dialog with these papers, and my comments range
from notes about the content and structure to grammar and usage.
Browse through these and study what is strong and what is
weak so that you can apply them to your own writing.
Process Analysis Essays
- Sample Expository 1
--student essay with my comments analyzing the following structural components:
introduction, thesis statement, topic sentences. This is a very good model
that you can study to improve the success of your own essay.
- Sample Expository 2
--please study the suggestions about improving the point of view (POV),
paragraph unity, and development of more specific examples.
- Sample Expository 3
--in this essay note the need for more paragraphs to develop the thesis marked
in red. The focus needs to be tighter so that the central claim of
parents and children suffering from a few other bad
parents that live vicariously through their kids' sports activities is
more fully developed.
essay 1 --student essay from Spring 2002 semester. A good model to
follow in terms of development of the types of computer users, this essay still
needs some extensive editing for correct grammar and mechanics. But this
is a solid first draft for the peer critique session.
essay 2 --student essay from Summer 2002. Note how this writer takes a
very ordinary topic and turns it into an essay that pulls the reader along at
every paragraph. You can see this writer really working with his writing
style to evoke a reaction in the reader.